DESOLATION ANGELS, chapter two
by Jack Kerouac
Yes, for I'd thought, in June, hitch hiking up there
to the Skagit Valley in Northwest Washington for my fire lookout
job "When I get to the top of Desolation Peak and everybody
leaves on mules and I'm alone I will come face to face with God
or Tathagata and find out once and for all what is the meaning of
all this existence and suffering and going to and fro in vain"
but instead I'd come face to face with myself, no liquor, no drugs,
no chance of faking it but face to face with ole hateful Duluoz
Me and many's the time I thought I die, suspire of boredom, or jump
off the mountain, but the days, nay the hours dragged and I had
no guts for such a leap, I had to wait and get to see the face of
reality--and it finally comes that afternoon of August 8...